


My Father’s a Incredible Homo

by TheInsanelyGayJaredK



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Canon Time Period, F/F, F/M, Just some wholesome Jason and whizzer, M/M, This started as a prompt series but I changed my mind, Welcome to I change my mind again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-03-07 23:30:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13445712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheInsanelyGayJaredK/pseuds/TheInsanelyGayJaredK
Summary: Whizzer and Jason are just a wholesome friendship. So I’m just writing an entire series. Why not? Fite me m8.





	1. Some Chess and Some Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Oops changed how I was writing this for a certain ending.

“Why is your name Whizzer?” Came from a curious yet bored Jason. He had obviously gotten tired of winning at chess against the man. The Jewish boy was sort of surprised that himself hadn’t asked it any time sooner. He just accepted it as weird parenting, Whizzer never seemed to mention family at all so it may be. 

“Contrary to popular belief, that’s not my real name. Though, who needs real names anymore? Take your father as an example. What kind of hellish parents name a child Marvin?” The very tall man answered before (poorly) making a move to snatch Jason’s king. Chess ain’t how this boyfriend thinks. After watching the child completely destroy all chances of himself winning he continued the explanation, “My quote on quote ‘real’ name is Andrew. My very cool name on the other hand came from highschool basketball.”

Jason snorted before looking up at him. He wasn’t informed on this sport ‘basketball’. He knew baseball and that’s about it.... Hey he didn’t get out much, “You did, basketball....?” The mousy haired boy replied somewhat suspicious on the truth of the story. How could Whizzer of done a sport and  _not_ brag about it?

 “Oh you bet kiddo, I like to pretend it didn’t exist. I was the worst person on the team, but I did it for 2 years. Why you may be asking, the answer is simple. I was fucking fast.” He added a single wink as in a ‘I just sweared in front of a small child, +10 Cool Dad points’.

Jason laughed at the comment before nudging him to continue the story and continue to fail at chess. An easy win would be great for his self chess esteem. He had to one day be forced into the chess club, better work on ranking now. 

“So I was fast and would steal the ball. If I somehow needed to make a shot. Ka-chunk.” Whizzer made an invisible metaphorical basket ball throw. It was terrible posture to anyone who actually played the sport seriously. Whizzer was a disgrace to the three serious non-gay kids on the team. The rest were closeted children who needed a sport to do so they wouldn’t get called slurs in the hallway. It was a hard life. Before Jason could make any comments at all, he continued his story. Save all questions till the end,

 “People started calling me whizzer because I whizzed by everyone. Not for the reason that I was a whiz at math. That’s laughable. I was in honors math in 8th grade for one quarter. Sad but true.” He was getting sidetracked but who cared? Finally the man made a fatal chess mistake again, he mindlessly killed all the pawns. That was a lotta damage he caused. 

“Huh- that makes a lot of sense. Not the math part! Just your name.” The kid cleared up the point he was making, do to the raised eyebrow he got in return, “Since I’ve beaten you three times at chess in the past thirty minutes I’m going to put this away.” He quickly sweeped the chess pieces into the box with one hand and the other folded the game board nicely, he was a pro at this. 

“Okay Jason, your dad’s coming home soon so I’m going to start on dinner.” He made a face at the kid which got him a small giggle. Everyone knew how picky Marvin was with dinner and traditional family values, both something Whizzer didn’t seem to understand. One of these days he was just going to poison the man and take Jason out of the state. 

Jason sat on the counters as he watched the water boil. He had his money on Spaghetti was for dinner, who didn’t like spaghetti? So you could see that he was mildly confused when the ‘chef’ got ravioli out of the fridge. This wasn’t new. He knew that Whizzer out of spite didn’t make anything that took too much effort. However, Jason was pretty sure he never had this kind of ravioli before. He usually got it at Olive Garden because Spaghetti was a culturally appropriated dish. Since everything else sounded too fancy for him that’s what he got.

“When did you figure out you were gay?” Jason asked as he watched drops of hot water sting the stove as the ravioli was poured into the pot.

Whizzer made a tsking noise, “You and your questions. Never stop do they?” He knew for a fact that this was because Jason was afraid of being gay. Nothing wrong with that, he was a small child. He could be a little homophobic and get away with it, “I’ll say that I ‘always knew’ but I told my parents in highschool and got my ass handed to me. That and my sister marrying a Mormon is why they don’t talk to us anymore.” During the conversation he would make gestures with the rubber spoon used for stirring. It was highly unnecessary, but it added to the cooking aesthetic. Man, did he love that cooking atheistic. 

Jason nodded slowly trying to piece together a story, “You had a sister? She was Mormon?” The kiddo questioned again. Whizzer poked him with the spoon before speaking,

 “That’s enough questions for a day. If I answer any more you’re going to know me better than Marvin.” Whizzer bitter tone proved that it wasn’t that much of a joke, just a depressing statistic. The kids face seem to sadden as well as he got the change in tone. 

The next few minutes he had alone with this man he loved more than his father were spent in silence. Jason didn’t dare speak due to not knowing what else to say. He knew if he brought up anything he would get the bored ‘that’s cool’ or an ‘I’m busy right now’. He spoke softly as he grasped at conversion straws, “We just started our photography portion of the year. So that’s cool.” 

Jason was pleasantry surprised to have a genuine intrest come from him. This was new! A good kind of new, “I love photography!” Whizzer gave a warm smile, “It doesn’t make much of a living yet, but one day it will.” He added one muttered sentence at the end, “Once I die that is.” 

Jason gave a small chuckle as they both started a discussion in that art form. Jason had finally found the best person ever. He watched as the ravioli finished cooking and the door seemed to open at a perfecting timing.

The small child instantaneously pushed himself off the counter to welcome his father back home from work. He gave a simple, “Hey Dad.” With a small wave, he was ignored,

”Ravioli? I thought you knew how to make edible meals.” His father snide. He’s morbid and dissatisfied. Jason sighed loudly as he knew that an argument would present itself anytime soon. 

“Well if you bother to buy me ingredients  I could make something.” Whizzer exclaimed back. This whole thing was going to hurt Jason, no one should hear this much fighting from supposed parents.

 “Why don’t you buy ingredients with that so called job or yours!” Marvin hissed back at him, not bothering to keep his voice remotely quiet. 

“Why can’t you? Aren’t you supposedly the rich intellectual who knows all?” Jason started to walk away. He was going to just hang out in his room until this was over. This didn’t get unnoticed by his father however, 

“ _Jason stay here._ ” It came out in a nasty tone. Marvin looked unapologetic to a disapproving Whizzer, 

“I’m leaving.” He had his arm folded and firmly glared at Marvin. The small child watched as whizzer spun around to make his grand exit. 

“Well what am I going to do!” Marvin whined, his eyes kept edging to the now cold ravioli. Who was supposed to cook and do the housework? Marvin couldn’t obviously do that. He couldn’t come back from work and have to do more work. 

“Make your own damn food.” The taller man had took to ‘accidentally’ nudging the pot off the stove. The three of them watched as it made a loud clang as its contents spilled onto the tile flooring. 

Jason gave a frightened giggle as Whizzer confidently marched through the front door as in nothing happen. Jason envy’d that freedom he had. To just walk away from his father. Disappear, but come back even cooler. Jason wished he could have that. Better than his father in at least 50 ways. Maybe even 63. 

The child knew Whizzer was going to be back. It always came back to it. He would always come back to Whizzer sat in a recliner reading the newspaper, but saving the funnies for Jason. Whizzer answering the phone when Jason faked a sickness to get out of a test. Whizzer somehow being too busy for a date with Marvin, but always ready to loose at chess or a card game Jason made up. Somehow in the almost year he was here, he seemed to of won any and all respect Jason had. Except one, but Jason had headphones for that part.

No matter what, Whizzer was there. He wished he could say the same for the so called father he was related to. Who right now, stood with a grim expression on his face, “I’m ordering Chinese. You can just do... Whatever until then.” He walked around the mess as if it didn’t exist, pretending seemed to work best.

The mouse haired boy scoffed before leaving the kitchen. This was definitely a night where he hid from his father as soon as dinner ended. God was he unfair to his father. But it was his dads fault that he had to see the weird physiatrist who absolutely had the hots for his Mom. He silently prayed that they wouldn’t act like a certain other family couple. 

But that’s his life.


	2. “Welcome back to the famsquad” said no one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whizzer comes back and Trina is disappointed, the chess club comes to life, and Jason is a major hetro
> 
> Nonedited because I don’t live any other way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I’m bacc. Sorry if you liked this story and had to wait two months. But here is chapter two in all its glory.

When Whizzer and Marvin officially ditched each other, everything changed. For the better almost. Now no more nights of insomnia because all he could hear was fighting. He had two new lesbian godmothers. The dog he sort of tolerated was still alive. His father was less of a prick in general. He even had a stepfather whom he loved. So things had a set pattern now, but in a good way.

Until Jason’s first baseball game. He had spent so long digging around every phone book he could get his hands on to check for a infamous Whizzer Brown. Why wouldn’t he try to invite him? Once he had found it already circled in a book he knew that it was fate. He ignored the fact it was probably Whizzer himself or Marvin before Whizzer left the Tight Knit Family. Jason huddled around the phone trying to be casual, he had to wait until no one was around. How casual could you really get when you were huddled around the landline slowly typing the digits.

212-690-3296

Jason had doubled checked the number to make sure he wasn’t calling just any weirdo in New York. That outcome wouldn’t be remotely incredible, but interesting. On the bright side Trina had left the home and currently was at the store. That’ll give him at least five minutes of conversation.

“Hello?” Came from the other line. Jason smiled a little, this was really easy. Why did he wait two years to do this? Oh yeah, baseball.

“Hey Whizzer! It’s Jason. I’m calling to ask you if you wanna come to my baseball game? It’s at Central Park. The Heckscher place or something. It won’t be that hard to find our field. You just have to find screaming adults.” Jason had all the info written on the sticky note. He repeated time, area, what field, and where he plan to hide afterwards. His parents were pretty embarrassing.

“I don’t think I have anything to do.” There was a shuffle of sounds before he got a response, “Nothing, I’m free all day. So I’ll see ya there kid. Make sure you don’t have Marvin kill you before then.” Whizzer jokes and Jason could imagine a wink from the other side of the phone.

Jason heard the door open, she was back, “Okay-Whizzer-I-got-to-hang-up-love-you-bye,” Jason announced in one quick blurb before hanging up. He spun around to welcome his mom. Except it wasn’t his mom, it was Mendel, “Oh hi! I thought you had work?” Jason’s voice was unusually high. He’s never done a bad thing before, well not to his stepdad at least. Mendel was a Jewish guy who tells stories and gives bad advice, it was a sin to do wrong to him. That persona had caused Jason to be less likely to cause a mess.

“Well we sort of had a big catastrophe with one of my patients.” Mendel used hand gestures that would make any flamboyant man jealous. Mendel’s one parent strategy was to ignore the problem until Jason casually mentioned it later. So of course Jason’s voice somehow hitting a Falsetto would be talked about in a day to a hour from now. “Well kiddo what have you been up to?” He asked as sly as he could try. After the day he had he couldn’t put any effort into something that wasn’t sleeping.

Jason was keen on replying hastily, he was bad at this whole ‘being bad child who asks gay ex lovers of his father to baseball games’. He doubted that anyone had to do that before, “Oh nothing much, I dropped the Walkman down the stairs.” That was indeed true, it fell like a brick and somehow survived. This was his 10th one, so Jason wasn’t to be trusted lightly.

Mendel sighed, “Jason, I am muy disgutante. If you want to be able to use this kind of stuff, you can’t just toss it down the stairs.” Mendel mussed up Jason’s hair as the boy shot daggers at him,  
  
“I didn’t throw it down the stairs!” Jason protested, “It just happened to go out of my hands and into the depths of down the stairs.” Mendel laughed lightly before giving up on the conversation, “Anything else happen?” Mendel questioned looking casually at the counter Jason was stationed at when he came in.

“Nope!” The brown hair child replied smiling widely and innocently. If Mendel knew about whizzer then it would ruin the surprise of the situation. He gleefully left Mendel standing there as he headed to his room to fetch something. After five minutes of digging through garbage and more garbage he pulled out a folder filled with useless papers used to distract parents. He’ll just toss that his stepfathers way and hope to god nothing actually important comes up. It’s a solid plan that works 95% of the time.

Jason had came to the insightful conclusion that the 5% can go die. His school had started one of those weird clubs that no one goes to but exists for no reason, the chess club. He’s managed to squeeze himself out of most sports or anything that takes effort so this could be easy.

Mendel had looked at the dull brown sheet and laughed, “‘Join the chess club. We welcome all. Even if you’re a ROOKie.’ The entire budget went on that pun.” He raised an eyebrow and set it neatly on the counter, “I’m not touching this territory. Have fun with Trina.”

Jason groaned as he wondered off, he’ll just hid out until his mom came home and tried to convince him to go to the chess club because he’ll make so many friends and blah blah blah. The brown hair boy knew for a fact he’ll be the only one their and anyone else would be weird boys that he stayed away from.

Jason looked up and ended up counting little glow in the dark stars he brought to the new house. It was a stubborn thing that he wouldn’t take them down, so when they moved he just bought some more and stuck them right back up. He had won that battle pretty easily, so he could obviously win the chess club one.

He didn’t win the chess club battle. Once trina came home it started out as just pretend like it didn’t exist. The dull paper wouldn’t stand out much, plus Mendel didn’t want to interfere. So that would make perfect sense on he could and would just not mention it and be fine. Sadly, when she was unloading groceries the paper fell off the counter. Jason now subtly added gravity to his hit list.

“Oh Jason have you seen this? I’ve been nagging you to socialize more, now you have a chance to. See you don’t have to play alone again!” Trina seemed to already have her heart set on her son being in the chess club to Jason’s dismay,

“I don’t want to!” Jason whined already finding similarity between the whole physiatrist issue. Jason gave up as soon as his mother wouldn’t let go and tried including Mendel who took her side in an obviously way. In the end he agreed to going to the first meeting to see if he liked it or not. So now Jason had another pointless extracurricular, baseball was half counted due to himself putting more effort into the sport than needed to play. 

* * *

  
Jason held onto his baseball bat as he sat in the car. He had two parents already directing him on what tactics to do. He wasn’t giving any attention to them, his focus was on the little bit of grass that managed to get stuck to the car window. Sure there was a theory on why it stayed like that, but Jason wasn’t in the mood for science. He just wanted a distraction from whatever happening with him actually playing.the game. Once the car stopped at the soccer field Jason jumped out and tried to see if he could see the extraordinary tall man that happened to be Whizzer Brown. Jason had to give up his exploration when his game began and he had to play.

Okay sure Jason got a little distracted thinking about only the hottest girls in his class, it was hard not to. Oh what that boy would kill to be able to tell a single joke snd make her laugh. That was his goal in life, to make Ellie May laugh and do that smile like she’s trying to keep in a joke but also subtly sharing the joke with everyone else. It makes Jason melt into his shoes every time.

Suddenly Seymour is there beside you. But instead of Seymour it was the man Jason had invited. He occasionally looked back at the stands to see him despite the point that himself was in the game and had to actually do the sport.   
“Hey Whizzer!” Jason’s tone happy as the man came to the corner of the field to give tips. Parents would do this so often the umpire didn’t even give a blink of surprise at this point. The six parents that had came to see Jason play was already annoying the man with swears and loud cheering.

But despite all that mess of something called “not talent” Jason managed to hit the ball. It zoomed off and Jason was stuck in shock. Well he did it!

“RUN!” Came from the side the field where now the six parents seemed to be having fits of passion? More like passive aggressive cheering. Which were almost the same thing if you blurred the lines and didn’t dot the I’s.

Jason now sat in the back of the car. His team still lost but the boys were happy for the fact they managed to do something.

“So you invited Whizzer?” Trina interrupted his thoughts on the game, she seemed less than pleased to be dealing with something like this. She just wanted to watch her son play baseball, not gay porn on the sidelines.

She herself played soccer as a young girl behind her house on a dirt field. The neighborhoods girls would gather around and try kicking the ball in skirts and flats. It was a fun experience until Elizabeth scottsmen broke her ankle during a especially fierce round. Then the sport became banned by parents and the girls were instructed on how to be prim and proper, not strong enough to have a will.

“Yes I did!” Jason joyfully responded with while he rolled the bat across his legs like a rolling pin,

“How lovely.” Was Trina’s only response she had said before taking the rest of the drive in silence. Mendel, who hated driving in the city, was trying to navigate his way through, “Why have a little League game on Saturday, in Central Park! I don’t get it.” He complained while Jason laughed and tried to identify the people outside walking. He had no luck.

The rest of the ride home was boring and they came back to the usually boring house to find one parent, one ex parent, two lesbian parents in training, and a Jason looking proud of himself. Sure he wasn’t that excited over his baseball game, he just was glad to see everyone together functioning quite normally. There had been fights about the bar Mitzvah and suddenly those became shoved into the closet to be discussed for another day.

Bonus was that he was 99% sure whizzer and Marvin kissed that day. His 1% was debunked when Trina, upset scoffed, “Well this better be good!” At the two before going to complain the problem to Mendel, who was telling Dad jokes to Jason, while the lesbians discussed on if the food provided could Delia make, while Whizzer and Marvin had a full on makeout session in the new den, on the new den couch. Some traditions can’t die.

And honestly Jason would not prefer it to go any other way than this.


	3. Authors note

Heyo, I forgot I had this account and that I had a story with a lot of hits. So if y’all still interested and want me to continue even though there is barely anything I will. Thanks for reading and jazz and leave a comment because I’m begging y’all. 


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